emotionallandmines

Unless you totally get off on sleeping on the couch, having Mr. Wiggly go on bread and water or Mr. Helmet-head not see ANY action for a while, here’s a survival guide to put you on the fast track to damage control with your significant other. Try and follow along because I am going to move quickly through this (sorry it’s the XL Dunkin Donuts light and sweet coffee from earlier). First and foremost women don’t go out with the intent of being difficult to understand or overly complicated. Perhaps our seeming complexity in truth comes from the fact that men and women communicate differently and assimilate information differently. Guys when we get with our girlfriends or talk on the phone or via email with them we are gonna discuss our relationship with you. Just as surely as most guys urinate standing up, enjoy sports and are drawn against their will to an opened hood on a car…..And the same reason why you catch hell if you try to isolate us from the aforementioned…LOL…Here’s the scenario. Your significant other early in the relationship told you about her bad experiences with the opposite sex specifically the two relationships immediately prior to hooking up with you. Not because she felt an overwhelming urge to share this information with you. But specifically because you have made certain statements or actions that give her flashbacks or remind her of those relationships. It is in fact her way of letting you know that: A) She has more quills or defense mechanisms as a result of emotional baggage to the point where she is more prickly than a porcupine, B) She has invested or is willing to invest enough into the relationship emotionally to address proactively potential negative triggers that may put a strain on an otherwise harmonious relationship based upon her assessment of its potential, or C) She is too forthright and honest for her own good. What follows may give insight into which category she falls into. If she utterly castigates you but uses phrases along the lines of I want to work this out and such, congrats…..she falls into Category B. If she switches gears from the castigation to a completely different topic like nothing happened, you’ve got a decision to make — Category C is emotionally vulnerable and sensitive because she is so open and honest. If you want to be a complete jerk, you dump her. If you love her or see her potential you will stick it out because you see her worth, her potential and you are patience enough to work past this particular quirk of hers. But…..If she falls into Category A…RUN FOREST RUN!!! You really CAN’T win with this person. Instead of letting your actions stand on their own or letting your mistakes be considered an isolated and unique anomaly, instead you are the scapegoat for every man who ever did her wrong. She’s not emotionally healthy enough to move forward…she may never be. She is so busy holding onto the tail of the dead carcass that is past relationships, it can’t rest in peace….It’s not even fully buried and released because she refuses to let go her disappointment, angst and victimization. Every time you make a blunder verbally or do something that upsets her you have a long litany of your faults and comparison to every other man she’s been with in a usually loud diatribe. If you continue on in this poisonous relationship realize that there is a VERY slim chance that you will assist her in the healing process. She is using this to emotionally manipulate you into acting the way she wants you to. Sad part is, that you might be the best thing for her since peanut butter and jelly but she won’t see it most of the time because she is too busy clinging to her anger, hurt and pain. Most of us like to optimize our chances, and would consider this relationship too high risk. Not saying that you should show a callous lack of regard for feelings as a fellow human being but sometimes this gal needs someone to hold up a mirror and force her to see herself as she truly is. If instead of being in denial and too wrapped up in the emotional maelstrom she won’t listen to reason, it’s time to walk away. She probably won’t notice you’re gone other than to complain bitterly to her girlfriends that you toyed with her emotion. Oh yes, it’s all YOUR fault and she takes no responsibility or accountability for her actions…she’s too busy being a victim, remember? Cry me a river for pete’s sake! Wake up and smell the coffee grounds! It’s past time to grow up, be a big girl and realize life goes on and we all have to accept responsibility for the choices good or bad that we make. Otherwise you get to be the embittered, angry woman that has in her future a rocking chair, millions of cats and thinks about what could have been…..

Ok, Ok, Ok…..In all truth I would have to be fair and state that most of us women fall into all three of those categories at any particular time giving the right combination of contributing factors……One clear truth rings forth like a bright beacon through all these words. We women get sick and tired of having to explaining why we are upset and how you can avoid it. It doesn’t serve the purpose if we tell you as opposed to you coming by the knowledge through your own means and working to resolve the issue as a genuine result of desire to resolve the conflict and prevent its recurrence in the future…as opposed to saying and doing whatever you feel will get you back into her good graces only to land yourself right back in the middle of the minefield, hot water because you spoke in manner that was inconsiderate and ill-advised…yet again…..If for no other reason than to keep her mouth shut, do yourself a favor and think carefully and QUICKLY to avoid this from happening too frequently. We’re not asking for perfection guys, only that you THINK and really make an effort to get to know us and our triggers…..

She is overweight and trying to lose weight. She asks if you find her sexy, desirable. You say: we both know you can look better but you are the woman I love. I’m ok with your weight as long as you don’t get any heavier. WRONG RESPONSE! Holy crap man you just entered the Hall of Fame for being insensitive, petty and shallow all at the same time. Trust me when I tell you that an apology for that infraction ain’t gonna get you out of the doghouse. You hurt her feelings, reinforced her feelings of negative body image and self-esteem and gave her a future thought to worry about? He only loves me if I am a certain size? Not unconditionally? That SUCKS! You deserve to be on the couch and in fact deserve the cold shoulder and silent treatment. She may tell you how she felt about it and forgive you but trust me this will come up again….and no matter how many sorries you say, you can’t call back what you said.

She says she is broke and needs you to repay her the money she paid out on your behalf as a favor to you ASAP…and then YOU say that it is only such and such an amount, what’s the big deal? In Webster’s Dictionary under the word Jerkosaurus is….YOUR picture…that’s right…..if there were such a word….you’ve committed the sin of being an unsympathetic insensitive clod yet again….(you’re really on a roll, aren’t you?)

She asks you a question that you either don’t want to answer or choose to ignore for whatever unfathomable reasons only you can possibly know. She then responds in the following manner: abruptly cuts your conversation short, asks why you ignored the question or ignores the fact that you ignored her question by asking it again in a different manner….

When it comes to psychological warfare, women can definitely write the book. And this is for one reason: they think more in depth than their male counterparts. Case in point: a couple is out together on a social excursion and they both notice a beautiful woman. He thinks ‘man she is hot! Legs up to her armpits got to be sporting at least double D’s and hair long enough to drape over both of them during sex…..’ She thinks she must be about a 36DD, 23-24 inch waist, beautiful long hair (though I can tell its a dye job though a very good one) and that dress is very flattering to her figure and coloring and…(OK, YOU GET THE IDEA)….they both noticed her…but one was a lot more in-depth than the other…

and its often that way when men and women communicate. something happens a man doesn’t want to talk for hours and hours…he wants the bare bones briefest version possible but with all the pertinent, critical details….on the other hand, the woman wants to know the background information and minute details and will theorize and analyze at great length. Hey face it, the key to a good relationship besides love and respect is GOOD COMMUNICATION. You and your significant other need to find a happy balance between your differing styles of processing and accepting information to promote happy, happy…joy, joy…..