emotionallandmines

Well last weekend I attended a dear friend’s wedding.  It started over an hour later.  And why?  Was a member of the bridal party late? No.  Was the bride late? No.  The groom?  No.  It was because they were awaiting the arrival of family members!  I was sick, feeling dizzy but I knew that had I skipped the wedding and reception I’d be damned until the day I died.  I had a temperature, a cranky 2 yr old and several people who were trying to talk me into attending the Reception.  Attend the Reception?  As sick as I was, I’m fortunate I did not barf on my friend’s wedding gown when I joined the receiving line for those NOT attending the Reception.  She was surprised to see me in that line but I gave her a quick “air” kiss on the cheek and explained tersely that I was not going to be able to attend due to severe illness.  I barely made it home even though I lived directly around the corner from where the Ceremony was held.  For the next three days I couldn’t keep anything down.  I was informed that the Filet Mignon was not all that hot (it was served cold and pink)….and I could not help but appreciate the irony.  My first time having Filet Mignon and I have to skip it.  Why do I bring this up?  I almost stepped on a HUGE emotional landmine.  This is a rather close friend.  We have shared intimate secrets.  Had I been a harder hearted person I would have stayed home and in bed like I wanted to in the first place.  But to show moral support and love on one of the most important days of her life, I attended…despite being green around the gills and pale as a sheet of paper (or at least I felt like I was).  

I detest weddings.  But I have attended a few in my time because I knew to blow them off would have been an offense punishable by worse than death….Bridal showers?  Loathe them.  All the immature, ribald comments.  I feel like I am sitting amongst a bunch of pre-teens who have a filched copy of Hustler, Playboy or Jugs and are giggling and making comments that demote the female anatomy to a piece of meat.  It feels about the same to me.  I’d just as soon skip it.  But I went…not to BOTH of them thankfully.  Plus the second one had kids…..Note for future reference ladies….PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave the kids home when attending a Bridal Shower…..The noise, screaming, running around, knocking stuff down, spilling stuff and whining is enough to send a sane woman off the DEEP END, and I suffer from SEVERE anxiety and panic disorder.  Translated: crowds, bright light, noise, small spaces set me off……It was all of those things and the screaming and shrieking certainly didn’t help.  Had I not been on psych meds I would have stopped off on the way home and purchased  2 boxes of White Zinfaldel or the Blush and kept going until they were done.  I left with a migraine, ears ringing and soaking wet (it was pouring down rain to the point where you wondered where Noah’s Ark was and I had no umbrella and was too busy trying to shield my  2 yr old who was NOT one of the banshees by the way).

So let’s review.  Unless you are the first living human heart transplant donor (something I’ve been accused of more than once) you are going to find yourself in a situation where you have to attend something you’d rather walk over hot coals than partake of.  In several cases I think many find that booze helps.  Unfortunately that wasn’t an option for me.  Options: Send a really NICE gift and a note of apology.  If your friendship is as strong as you HOPE it is, they will be angry for a while but eventually get over it.  There are plenty more days to enjoy each other’s company and such like treating them to a girl’s day out including manicure, pedicure, mud treatment, masque and massage.  Or….lunch at a nice, scenic restaurant.  Or a nice giftcard to an expensive store for a housewarming present accompanied by a heartfelt apology.  

Baby showers……Ladies, I know at some point in your life you’ve seen an ugly baby.  (and don’t give me that complete rot and tripe about there is no such thing — mother gorillas think their babies are adorable too!)  And then comes the dreading question isn’t (he/she) beautiful?  Hmmmm…am I honest or do I placate the mother?  Oh what the heck…..”It’s definitely a baby.”  Yeah I know….but it beats did it come out before it was done (yes it sounds like you are talking about something you were baking in the oven) but it was the best I could do on such short notice.  Once again, if it’s a dear friend you’d better have a helluva reason for not attending but you’d also better make up for it or once again you are The Unforgiven.  For my last baby they help TWO showers for me.  One was all family members and the other was friends.  Thankfully no one brought babies to either……..both groups knew me well enough to know that I am very blunt and being pregnant, uncomfortable and almost in my 9th month made me even more so…..LOL

What did we learn today?  Don’t blow off social events when a close family friend or even relative is counting on your attendance unless you have a helluva good reason and are going to majorly make up for it later.  Whew! It was a relief to avoid the landmines.  I hooked her up on the bridal shower gear and considering how sick I was, it was a gift for me to be present when I was about to pass out.  No bad feelings, no ill will.  I avoided the mindfield.  Let’s hope I never get married and have to be on the other end of that……

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